I had the pleasure of being an adult on this retreat for the first time after participating and leading Kairos back in my student days. I’m happy to have been on this retreat with some excellent men of the St. Ignatius community. Amongst them were longtime friends Jerry Skoch (administration) and Hugh McManamon (college counseling). These men graduated from Ignatius only one year apart in the late 70′s, and also went to the same grade school together. It was lovely to see their friendship so strong after 40 years. What was also great to see was their obvious holiness expressed in their talks given to the kids, yes. But they expressed this holiness more often and more importantly in the way they viewed themselves, others, and the Lord in our everyday conversations at meals and around the house. Often I think it is the mark of true saints-in-the-making that, of course, they realize their sinfulness, God’s overwhelming love for them, and then they react to that love. But, even deeper, these people have a lightness of heart and excellent sense of humor and liveliness to go with that awareness and action of holiness. I’m privileged to have experienced such a presence for the past four days at the Jesuit Retreat House.

One of the motivating factors for my jumping on this retreat was the excellent lineup of student leaders. I happened to know five of the eight young men on this retreat fairly well beforehand, those five being involved in service at the school, as well as sports and good academics. Meeting the other three leaders was not a disappointment. All eight of these guys to varying high degrees expressed a strong and vibrant faith in God, a love for their families and friends, and respect for themselves by avoiding unhealthy substances and physical practices. Even moreso did this group express a very close-knit friendship and enthusiasm which was beautiful to see.

It’s edifying to go on these retreats as an adult to see how much crap some of these guys have gone through, which applies for the retreatants as well. Yes, there are the stupid decisions of sex, drugs and alcohol that are brought up, there’s the nervously-discussed topics of the different social “classes” at the school, and there’s the never-spoken-of topics of race and orientation. But what’s really striking is the things many of these young men have had to suffer at the hands of their own families. The statistic that 50% of American marriages end in divorce seemed to be incarnated in that JRH meeting room. And the tears, the wavering voices, the downcast eyes that are the result of them is only more proof that the institution of marriage and the restoration of the family is a moral crusade this generation needs to fight for.

Yet, also, redemption was recalled so often in the leaders’ talks and, to an extent, the students’ reactions (and there’s plenty of room for more redemption to occur, rest assured!). It’s wonderful to see the immediate mushy, fuzzy-feeling reactions of the juniors at the end of the retreat. But, as Fr. Canfield was speaking of during his homily the last day, it’s even more wonderful to see a group of eight young men who took the call of conversion that God made to them on Kairos and lived it out, and continue to live it out a year later (and God willing will continue to much longer). This is my prayer for the juniors who made the retreat this past week. Live it out. Believe the voice of God that spoke to you on this retreat. Trust.

As if all this weren’t enough (and of course there’s much more that I don’t have room to type here), I get to do it all again in five weeks on Kairos 155. I actually signed up for this one, so I’ll get to work with the leaders in the formation process of the retreat. I’ll also get the chance to give a talk of some sort. We’ll see what the plan of attack for that one will be. Prayers for the Kairos 152 guys, and the 155 guys upcoming, are always appreciated.

The four of us trekked down to Hinckley Retreat House, a good 45 minute drive south of the city, Friday afternoon around 4. The Lord blessed us with beautiful weather, especially for January. Temperatures were in the mid 40′s; rain was nowhere to be seen, with nary a cloud in the sky. The brilliant sunshine illuminated well the beautiful, peaceful Hinckley landscape: one large ranch style house in the middle of a large wooded area. I could tell we were in for a fruitful weekend.

Upon arriving, the four of us claimed our rooms, set up shop quickly, and proceeded to head immediately to the SJ-famous Angie’s Pizza about ten minutes up the road. (Angie’s was a favorite stopping place of Fr. Jim Lewis, SJ during his time in Cleveland, apparently.) Here the four of us dined on a few fine pizzas and broke in the evening with good conversation. After a stop to stock up on food at the adjacent Giant Eagle, the group headed back to a darkened Hinckley house landscape for a quick meeting to discuss our hopes and plans for the retreat. After this, Fr. Libens left the three of us youngin’s the rest of the evening to relax, enjoy the house’s comforts, and of course spend some good time praying with Scripture and listening to the Lord’s promptings. We took advantage, poring a bit over the words of Jeremiah, before building a boy-scout approved fire (thanks for Andrew) for the rest of the evenings’s conversation (without TV!).

All slept in til the late late hour of ~9am Saturday morning (some of us later than others – namely, me), being dragged out of bed for hopes of bacon and eggs. Saturday morning’s conference with Fr. Libens brought us to thinking about our patterns, our habitual decision making process, and how this affects our discernment for the road ahead. Afterwards, the three of us had time more time to reflect and to explore the well-sunlit grounds. Upon coming back around noontime to discuss the fruits of our prayer, all had good things to share, especially Michael, who had a very allegorical prayer experience (which I hope he will share on the blog soon!). We wrapped up this conference fitting our experiences and reflection into the context of Ignatius’ First Principle and Foundation: “to praise, reverence and serve the Lord our God and thereby save our souls…” The morning concluded with lunch.

We once again had ample time to journal, read, reflect, or spend the time however we pleased in the first part of the afternoon. I chose to go for a run through the pretty Hinckley countryside – a very solid decision. The latter half of the afternoon was spent in one-on-one meetings with Fr. Libens to discuss how our years had been going, what we were thinking and desiring to do in the coming months and year, and how Fr. Libens could be of help to us in our journey. We also had the opportunity for some Sacraments in both Reconciliation and then Eucharist at 5pm. Both were extremely refreshing and a worthy part of any retreat experience. Also refreshing were the tender and perfectly cooked steaks the four of us enjoyed following Mass, prepared by the tag team of Michael and Andrew (thanks, guys!).

Unfortunately, Fr. Libens had been coming down with a cold all weekend and was being hit hard by eveningtide, so we essentially had the whole evening free to spend as we liked, only being advised to read the first three chapters of Mark before bed. Once again the three AVs built a fire in the fireplace and enjoyed good conversation til midnight, accompanied this time by the NFL playoffs.

Before I knew it, Sunday morning had arrived, and the last hours of our retreat had dawned. The group of four had one last conference Sunday morning tied in with the celebration of the Eucharist. These discussions placed our experiences, our prayers, and our service in the context of the person of Christ, for whom the Eucharist and service were two inseparable realities. Afterwards, we cleaned up quickly and departed back for St. Ignatius to give Fr. Libens a much needed break at home!

I’m grateful for my experiences on and the graces of this retreat, especially the quality time spent with my brother AVs after the Christmas holidays, and the graces of the Sacraments we received. I am sure that this (and perhaps another summer retreat?) will become an annual staple for the Alumni Discernment and Volunteer Program.

Those present at Joseph Linden's funeral praying for his full entry into heaven.

When I received the call for this funeral on Wednesday morning, truth be told, I had the temptation to put it off. The Arimathea ministry has been called to a few “funerals” in the past which consisted of nothing more than arriving at the cemetery, lifting the casket 50 feet from a hearse to a grave, and calling things a wrap. I wasn’t assured that things would be much different today when the caller arranging this funeral didn’t even know if there would be a service at the graveside this morning. How frustrating would it have been for the six boys to get up “early” on a day of Christmas vacation, drive 20-30 minutes to school, just to move a casket a few feet and then go home. Thankfully, in the end and after a bit of prayer & consultation, I decided this call was worth taking. If there were no priest or even a funeral home director present to lead a prayer service, I would lead one by myself.

Over the next two days, the thought of being present at this man’s burial stayed with me, right up until the trip this morning. I came to realize, slowly but surely, the great importance of our presence at Calvary Cemetery for Joseph’s interment. What seemed at first a bit like “cheap labor” was transformed into a deep understanding that we, the St. Ignatius community, truly are Joseph’s family. He may not have had any biological family left here on earth to care for him in his last moments, but he did have the six young men, some current students, some young alumni, to pray for him and his full entry into our true family in heaven, the communion of saints. I couldn’t get the thought out of my mind that, if we weren’t there to carry Joseph’s pall and pray for his soul, there may have well been no one outside that priest and that funeral home director to pray for Joseph and his entrance into the fullness of life with our Lord – a matter of no small importance! Prayerfully imagining meeting Joseph at the pearly gates, seeing his thankful face and knowing his gratitude for our prayers provided further consolation for serving his funeral, however short.

In this way, that final funeral of the 2011 calendar year consisted only of the boys (some of them alumni on Christmas break), the priest and the director was so symbolic of the importance and ultimate mission of the Arimathea ministry. I pray that all those involved in fine ministry, from the adult coordinators and drivers to the student leaders and pallbearers, may be grateful that they are so blessed and honored to be part of this sacred service.

Eternal rest grant unto him, O Lord.

Naturally, my initial reaction to this reflection is one of frustration, or at least the temptation to be frustrated. I’ve been trying a little harder year by year to “take seriously” these seasons of preparation and penance, and every year I fall back to the same old undesirable habits and the same annoying attitudes. Why can’t I get it right this time? I’m 24 now (so old!) – I should be old enough to follow through on these commitments. If I can’t get things done right now, will I ever be able to? Such are the thoughts the evil spirit suggests that I make my own.

Thankfully, the Good Spirit helps me realize that I really have “aged” and “matured” the past few years since college graduation. (I like to think I have!) I have seen the great yet naive overzealousness of college underclassman, the same kind of healthy overzealousness I once had myself. I like to think that in the past few years, through various events of my life, the candle’s flame in my heart – one that once bounced back and forth, to and fro, and consequently didn’t get much of its work done – has begun to settle down and bit and focus on what it really needs to do. And I like to think that much of the reason for this is because I have been forced to rely much more on grace these past few years than I (seemed to) need to during my zealous undergraduate years. Now, as the wax of my candle has melted down a bit, I have around my flame some protection of the candle holder glass, grace, to make sure the wind of my pride doesn’t blow it out. I have realized more deeply how human I am, how weak and flawed I am. And more importantly, I have realized more deeply how wonderfully rich in mercy and care God is.

And so, although I have once again “failed” in my Advent resolutions, I still end up with the goal of what this Advent season is: hope. So long as one honesty pursues his resolutions, even though he fail, he cannot help but hope, knowing that the impending coming of the Lord this night is one of great mercy.

Thankfully, my pre-Christmas preparations are quite light, so I haven’t had to do too much running around like so many others do at this time of the year. The few present I have had to buy are bought and stowed away; the people I have needed to visit have been visited. This time truly has been a break, and a fun, refreshing, and enriching one at that.

Today I embark back to the Williams household in Shaker Heights for a few days of Christmas celebration with my family and my girlfriend’s family on Christmas Eve. Upon my return to Rutilio Grande early next week, my eyes will be turned to the future, having a solid two weeks to plan for next year as much as I can before the madness of school life returns.

I hope to post some sort of collection of my thoughts on Christmas over these next few days. Let’s take this final day or two of Advent to intensely prepare for the coming of the Lord, to let our hearts desire Him in a more concrete, powerful way. Be ready, for he says to us through the liturgy, ERO CRAS – “Tomorrow I will come!”

I know that I will be ready for the break when it arrives next Friday. I’ve had the added task of actually learning how to effectively help form the boys of this school, never having done something quite like this job before. I feel as if I have only really begun to get a hold on the right path to take to reach this goal. It’s a great piece of interior knowledge to have, to be truly confident that you are beginning to get a hold on what may be a key part of your vocation. I don’t think there are many more satisfying things than knowing you are doing well at something you love to do, and that what you love to do is something that is very needed in the world.

One example of this healthy level of comfort I have right now is my running of Homework Club, my Arrupe after-school program on Wednesdays. Granted, the 3rd and 4th graders I have in this group are generally very well-behaved. However, it would be very less likely for the kids to be so well behaved if I didn’t clearly set expectations for their behavior, and then enforce those expectations by conversations with them later on if the kids were not meeting my expectations. It’s also eye-opening to see how the simple healthy, trusting relationships that we at Arrupe build with the kids make all the difference for their behavior.

As I’ve grown in these skills and relationships throughout the semester, things have been going more and more smoothly for my Wednesday after school group. This past Wednesday, a few eager young programmers who are Ignatius seniors took the reins at Homework club and flawlessly led the kids in learning about the basics of programming and a game of “unbeatable” Tic-Tac-Toe which the seniors programmed. I don’t think the kids have ever been more well-behaved than they were on Wednesday. I was almost able to just completely kick back and enjoy the show the seniors put on, trusting in the good behavior of the kids. It’s nice to see that one’s labor over a long period of time is bearing good fruit. It will be even nicer to have some time off beginning next week to give thanks for the graces in the first half of the year, and to begin planning for improvements in the semester to come.

Thankfully, I’m finally getting truly better, and so I was able to return to the classroom today. I was touched, though not entirely surprised, to be greeted by a round of applause as I entered Mr. Gilday’s 7th period classroom today. The ovation did not phase me because of any merit of mine, of course – I’ve only been sitting in on these classes taking notes for about a month. Rather, I expected this welcome because I was a student not too long ago myself, and I remember very fondly the great love I and my friends had for the teachers and staff members of the school.

The students at this school are truly something special – just look at the list of accomplishments Principal Corrigan listed at today’s rally. What one of their greatest achievements is must be their true sense of community, of brotherhood, that is fostered by the adults at this school and certainly includes them. At how many others schools would the freshman be excited to see the return of a nearly random stranger in their classroom? How many students at other schools are excited about many of their teachers at all? Not to be drinking the Ignatius magic Kool-Aid too deeply here, but I really do think overall the enthusiasm for the teachers as it is at Ignatius is a not-so-common phenomenon.

I’m glad to see not much has changed in the past nine years since I myself was a freshman.     Years in passing…

Here’s a picture of the ’06 crew in attendance at the title game Saturday night:

Back: Adam Milavec, Mark Kaiser, Dave Srsen. Front: Joe Wingenfeld, your humble (and foolish looking) servant.

There have already been countless write ups about the game, so I don’t need to say anything more about it here. I will say I was impressed with the huge turnout that the St. Ignatius fans, especially the student section, made for this game. True, Ignatius is an hour closer to Canton than Pickerington is, but the blue and gold outweighed purple by quite a bit at this game. Cheers especially to the students, who had already filled up their section two-thirds of the way an hour before the game. They truly responded to the call made to them to become better fans before the playoffs. I’m sure the team was only helped by this fan support.

As one friend pointed out, we have 11 in 11. Now, after a good rest, it’s time to start thinking about 12 in 12. How nice it would be to keep this number thing going…

The team gathering near the student section for the alma mater.

Being a puppy, he tends to get into his share of trouble, mainly by occasionally refusing to let us know he needs to do his business outside before doing it in, and by ceaselessly nipping at and jumping on us to encourage playtime. Nothing that a good old fashioned walk and/or romp around the parents’ backyard can’t cure, though.

The beast is also a bottomless pit when it comes to food and drink. Not surprisingly, meal time seems to be Oscar’s favorite moment of the day. When I release him from his cage first thing in the morning, Oscar literally jumps in the air for joy, knowing that he is about to be fed. The excitement is insatiable, as is his appetite – Oscar now blows through a good two cups of dog food in the span of a few wee minutes. Not that his masters are much better than him!

Over Thanksgiving break, Oscar had his first field trip, making the very-exciting car ride up to Shaker Heights and the Williams parental household. Amazingly, the pup was extremely well behaved the whole visit, even during turkey time on Thursday! Surely a good romp around in the backyard, on the backyard chain of the late Buttons (the old family dog), helped expend the energy necessary to bring him to good behavior.

I will post some pictures of the pup this evening, giving a comparison of Oscar at 2.5 months and Oscar at about 4 months. I’m thinking this guy is going to get pretty big, pretty soon. I hope so; he does have the memory of Spud to live up to!

After arriving in Chicago around 2:30 CT, we unloaded our bags at the Jesuit parish of St. Procopius in Pilsen, a formerly eastern European neighborhood turned Mexican. The seven boys making the retreat stayed in the parish center, formerly the rectory of the Church, while the adults enjoyed the plush interiors of the Bl. Miguel Pro Jesuit community house just a few doors down.

The site to see Sunday evening was Loyola University, on the north side of the city. We dined with the Gonzaga house community there, comprised of Jesuits ranging from first-year Scholastics to elderly professors, and everyone in between. It was a very diverse community, both in age and in race, and a good example of the international quality of the Jesuit mission. After dinner, a few scholastics gave talks on discernment, and one, Joshua Peters, led an extended 15 minute examen. If the boys’ Examen experience was anything like mine, it was surely a peace-giving, presence-filling exercise for all. The night ended with 9PM Eucharistic liturgy of Christ the King at the lovely Madonna della Strada chapel on the Loyola’s campus, the main Mass for the student body.

After a night’s rest in Pilsen, the boys got to experience a different kind of Jesuit school, the Cristo Rey (“Christ the King”) model located just five or so minutes away from St. Procopius. The group interacted with students in Mr. Chris Staab SJ ’95′s senior literature course, discussing in small groups an article written about the life of Pedro Arrupe and his promotion of education for justice. I was wowed at how open and conversational both the Ignatius boys and the Cristo Rey students (male and female) were with each other in the small groups. The spirit of Ignatius truly does reside at both schools. Our visit to Cristo Rey ended with a few talks by scholastics in the simple, beautiful school chapel.

Filled with some deep dish pizza for lunch and sights from the Hancock tower, the group ended the retreat at St. Ignatius College Prep, also located fairly to St. Procopius. All enjoyed the pre-dinner social time I’m lucky to partake in each Tuesday and Thursday at the SIHS CLE community, getting to know the SJs in attendance. Following dinner, the aforementioned Fr. Guiao extrapolated on the notion of a Jesuit’s identity being intimately tied with his mission – so much so that “a Jesuit would be nothing without his mission.” A period of discussion and questions followed, revealing the depth and healthy curiosity of the students in attendance. Finally, to end the day, Fr. Pat Fairbanks SJ gave the boys a tour of the Hogwarts-esque SICP main building. The tour culminated with an impromptu Mass said in the chapel on the 5th floor of the SICP building, overlooking a brilliant skyline of downtown Chicago. A perfect way to cap an excellent day.

The brilliant skyline of southern downtown Chicago, as seen from the 5th floor chapel at SICP.

Tuesday featured the simple packing of bags and travel back to Cleveland via the beloved Megabus. Things closed out with a ten-minute prayer session in St. Mary’s chapel, with each of the seven boys eagerly offering a grace of the retreat they were especially grateful for. It was edifying to hear not just the responses but the energetic and thoughtful way they were given. An excellent retreat, though certainly fast-paced and tiring. I hope and pray that the boys who experienced so much on the retreat take it all back to the Lord in prayer and ask Him what He wants of them in life, whatever it may be.